There is no way to predict how someone will react to a stressful event. There is no way to know what is really happening with someone outside of work with their family, love life, health, wealth, sleep and overall happiness levels. Most people were already working hard before the current situation, in rolls CV19 increasing workloads and decreasing resources. Resulting in an increase of stress and mental health issues clearly visible and growing day by day.
I transferred over to Asia, not as an expat, but for the opportunity for career progression. That first year was emotioanlly volatile and left unforgettable lessons in my mind on exactly how NOT to do an overseas move. Transferring to a country with no knowledge of the language, culture or even industry I was going to be working in, was not a smart move.
The best part was a renewed lease of life where no one knew me… and the bars stayed open all night! New friends, new relationships new places to go and a chance to reinvent myself. Everything was exciting and Sunday evenings completely lost their sense of dread replaced by a continuous sense of excitement as to what the following week may bring.
The flip side was that to learn this new market, I felt that I needed to start work at 7.30, work through lunch and on into the evenings until 8pm or 9pm. Then every week there would be drinks once or twice after work and weekends would be the same. The hardest part was either going home after a few drinks or saying no altogether because, what’s waiting at home? Nothing, just a sad little apartment reminding me of how far away from home I was and how much fun I could be having back in the city.
Burning the candle at both ends was the new normal. One day, on the way to see a client I was completely wiped out. Either hungover or still recovering in the oppressive summer heat, on an escalator going downward into the underground subway, I really thought that I was finally going to just pass out. All the booze, stress, work, ill-chosen relationships had finally caught up. Heart was racing, sweat pouring and saying over and over “I can’t do this, I can’t do this”. But somehow on that day and similar days like that in future, I didn’t pass out, just scraping through.
Managing this was certainly a challenge but I am not alone and am sure the above example is common for a large majority of young and ambitious people working in a city. On top of this now though, people have to also contend with very challenging trading conditions, SARS-CoV-2 health concerns, feelings of isolation and worries about their elderly family members. Not to mention some serious reductions in employment numbers around the world.
The best description I have heard of mental health is that everyone has a cup, some bigger, some smaller. But each stressor whether they too are big or small go into his cup and accumulate. Once this hits the top then it is just too much and as it overflows, serious problems can occur.
Over the years I have found a number of actions really help keep that cup from overflowing:
- Commute – use your commute productively, whether it is reading a book, learning a language, listening to a podcast, listening to an audible or learning a language. This way you frame your commute as something adding value to your day
- Develop activities and interests outside of work. It is often jarring to pull out of work completely and focus on a sport, new language, child, friends, charity, religious community or any other outside interest you have. Work constantly tries to rope you back with constant thoughts. That may not go away entirely, but these other interests do a great job in keeping you present, refocusing your attention to something different and putting work stressors into perspective.
- As you know, you are the result of the top five people you spend the most time with. Choose these people wisely. If you hang out after work in bars complaining about the company and your boss with other people who also complain, this won’t help. If instead you spend your free time talking to open minded, successful, interesting people, you will be blown away with new ideas, ways of thinking and inspiration.
- If you do not have your own office, spend a day per week working from home or away in a corner on the other side of the office so you do not get bombarded with the torrent of never-ending questions which are not always essential
- Walk or run as part of your commute home – I got really out of shape after our first child, so began running 3.5k slowly as part of the commute home for 2 or 3 months. Then built it up to running to the next station along my commute at about 5k for a year. Now occasionally I’ll do about 8.5k at the next station. Occasionally. But the point here again is moving after a long stressful day but go slow. That means you enjoy it and you will find that you look forward to it.
- If you are due to have what you may perceive to be a challenging conversation, look for help from your HR, boss, peer or someone who knows more about the matter than you. You don’t need all the answers, you need to get a different perspective on a situation. Role play the upcoming scenario if it helps.
- If you are blind-sided and have just experienced a surprisingly difficult conversation, someone has quit in your team, an argument has taken place between your best people, someone has got very emotional to your surprise, you have got to go for a walk. Either later that day, or ideally sleep on it and aim for the next day, talk through with your boss.
All of the above are hard to action because you are RIDICULOUSLY busy already and don’t have time for hours of conversations which further add to your stress levels as other “to do” items remain undone. So choose a couple of the biggest stressors in that week and talk them through, with the other smaller items, go for a run, bike ride or do some weights and see if any solutions come to mind. Have you ever been on holiday and come back refreshed? Getting out of the day-to-day really helps us put the smaller issues into perspective.
Ultimately though, when things get too much you have to speak to someone. It is ok to say to someone “this is too much”. I hear people say they are too embarrassed to say it or there is some shame in it. Often times, you won’t be the only person feeling that way. Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing. If you compare yourself to what you perceive to be as normal, you will not focus on what is acceptable for you. you also have no idea what anyone else is going through. Speak to a family member, speak to a friend, speak to your boss if possible or speak to a mental health professional. Whoever you speak to though, don’t let the cup overflow.
